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Health & Wellness

Avoid becoming an over-apologizer

Saying sorry too much is an unhelpful defensive mechanism. It can undermine how others see you and how you see yourself, and that can really impact you both at home and in the workplace.


If over-apologizing is a problem for you, then you may want to take stock of why and when you overuse “sorry.” While apologizing is often a polite and considerate gesture, there are situations where people should avoid saying sorry unnecessarily.

Some individuals tend to apologize excessively, even for minor things like asking a question or expressing an opinion. Over-apologizing can diminish your self-confidence and undermine your credibility.

Before you apologize consider:

  • Did you do your best?

 

  •  Was the outcome of something that you did unintended/unexpected? You may need to apologize.  It depends on what happened, and what you did to precipitate the outcome.

 

  •  Are you apologizing because someone else reacted negatively? You may need to apologize but remember that if you are merely expressing an opinion or setting a boundary, that the situation may be the result of different perspectives. In this case you may need to be direct and respectful when you communicate. Your feelings are also legitimate and apologizing for your feelings so that you don’t offend someone does not solve the problem. Offer assistance or empathy without apologizing instead.                 

 

  • Are you just being polite? Saying “I’m sorry” can be a legitimate way to show empathy, politeness, or to express understanding for the other person’s situation or feelings. It is a way to acknowledge the impact of certain events or statements on the other person.

 

  • You may not be apologizing for yourself, but for the event instead (Example: The person has told you of a personal tragedy such as a death or sickness.)

 

  • Don’t apologize when requesting help or assistance. When asking for help or a favor, express appreciation for their support instead.

 

  • Avoid apologizing when you’re taking care of your well-being and setting boundaries for your mental and physical health.

 

  • Remember, apologies should be sincere and used when you genuinely feel remorse or acknowledge a mistake. Avoid using apologies as fillers or to please others if there is no reason to apologize. Be assertive with your communication while maintaining kindness and empathy towards others.